I’m going to cover these 10 verbal abuse tactics.
1. Countering
2. Minimizing
3. Excessive Criticism
4. Mocking
5. Censoring
6. Blaming
7. Name Calling
8. Ordering Around
9. Threatening
10. Playing the Martyr
If you look up a list of verbal abuse tactics online or in a widely respected book like The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans, you’ll likely run across “withholding” as a verbal abuse tactic. Based on my personal experience, I would place it more under the umbrella of emotional abuse, but there's a lot of overlap between verbal and emotional abuse.
Still... withholding is a big deal. It is such a big deal, I plan to cover it at a later time, just like I covered the silent treatment two weeks ago more in depth.
With everything going on in the world right now, there's a lot of talk about physical violence. That said, what I talk about in this podcast is primarily verbal and emotional violence. A few weeks ago, I started watching this new show, which isn't really new so much as it’s new to me. It's called: Married at First Sight. I started at season 9.
In the beginning, I thought it was pretty cool that they had these experts matching people up, but by the end of the season I felt differently. It was clear the experts had failed a number of these couples by putting them in bad situations. It was pretty obvious that the Matt and Amber pairing was bad in every way, and I've yet to meet anyone who thinks that was a good idea, or that it turned out well.
But the pairing between Beth and Jamie is one I will be referencing today, as it's a textbook example of what many verbally abusive relationships look like.
1. Countering
Countering happens when one person in a couple brings up a legitimate issue, and the other person counters with something else to avoid dealing with that issue.
This happened a lot between Beth and Jamie. One example occurred after the TV show put together a photo album of the wedding as an anniversary gift for the couple. They were looking at this photo album, and Beth remarked what a beautiful bride she was.
She gushed about her vibrant hair color and about how beautiful the pictures were, how beautiful she was--a natural reaction for her. After all, what bride doesn't want to look beautiful on her wedding day? Instead of understanding this, Jamie decided his wife’s reactions were materialistic and self-absorbed. He didn't voice this right away, however.
She gushed about her vibrant hair color and about how beautiful the pictures were, how beautiful she was--a natural reaction for her. After all, what bride doesn't want to look beautiful on her wedding day? Instead of understanding this, Jamie decided his wife’s reactions were materialistic and self-absorbed. He didn't voice this right away, however.
Rather, he became sullen and withdrawn the rest of the evening until he blew up at her later that night.
The show showed footage of their argument in a dark apartment. Jamie was calling her materialistic. He then called her another name that was bleeped out, and I don't remember if he stormed out at that point, but he may have.
There was no reason for Jamie to be so unreasonably critical and for him to sour the mood as he did. But each time Beth said, “Why can't I just react to the pictures. Why can't you just be happy and say ‘yeah, it's a beautiful picture.’” He countered by labeling her materialistic and by picking a fight.
With Jamie and Beth this was only the tip of the iceberg.
2. Minimizing
I'm going to talk about my own father here. He grew up in a family where the children were close in age. There were nine of them and my dad was the oldest. Some of his younger siblings, when they were in elementary school, didn't have enough supervision.
I'm going to talk about my own father here. He grew up in a family where the children were close in age. There were nine of them and my dad was the oldest. Some of his younger siblings, when they were in elementary school, didn't have enough supervision.
There was some experimentation between a small group of them--sexual experimentation that left a mark on one of his younger sisters in a very negative way, to the point she had to see a therapist after she was married and had grown.
She had this very real trauma to deal with, and her therapist told her she didn't have to bring this up with her family, but it was up to her. My aunt thought her family was loving and would be understanding, that the family would listen. So she wrote them letters. She called the siblings that she had this experience with to explain the impact it had on her, but their response was to tell her she had to get over it and it wasn't a big deal. They told her she was the one with the problem. That Satan had a hold of her, and that she must forgive and move on.
After this, the siblings didn’t talk to her for a long time.
So, in short, when my aunt had very legitimate pain and trauma to work through, her siblings were verbally abusive. They minimized her pain.
3. Excessive Criticism
I will go back to Jamie and Beth for this example. It was very painful to watch this particular couple on Married at First Sight, because they started out in what looked like a pretty normal relationship. I mean, there were some highs and lows. They were both pretty passionate and pretty loud, but each of them seemed to respect each other in the beginning.
Then their families came for a visit, and immediately afterwards Jamie's attitude seemed to flip like a switch. All the things Beth did that didn't bother him at first all of a sudden bothered him like crazy. Every little thing was used as a criticism to tear her down. She had a job working for her father. From my perspective, the important thing is that she had a job and was self supporting. But to Jamie, it became suddenly bad that Beth was working for her dad.
He turned it against her.
It was their first fight that I’d classify as legitimately bad. The families had left, and they were sitting on the couch as he accused Beth of working for her father because she would be unable to get a job from anyone else. It didn’t matter what Beth said. Jamie wouldn't drop the criticism or listen to any of her arguments. He just kept verbally attacking her, until it looked like he was tearing her down solely for the purpose of tearing her down.
From the moment of that fight onward, Jamie changed dramatically towards Beth. All of their interactions, unless they were lovey-dovey (because he was/is a Jekyll-Hyde), would turn ugly with excessive criticism. He was Mean. He was Nice. He was Hot. He was cold.
After this, the siblings didn’t talk to her for a long time.
So, in short, when my aunt had very legitimate pain and trauma to work through, her siblings were verbally abusive. They minimized her pain.
3. Excessive Criticism
I will go back to Jamie and Beth for this example. It was very painful to watch this particular couple on Married at First Sight, because they started out in what looked like a pretty normal relationship. I mean, there were some highs and lows. They were both pretty passionate and pretty loud, but each of them seemed to respect each other in the beginning.
Then their families came for a visit, and immediately afterwards Jamie's attitude seemed to flip like a switch. All the things Beth did that didn't bother him at first all of a sudden bothered him like crazy. Every little thing was used as a criticism to tear her down. She had a job working for her father. From my perspective, the important thing is that she had a job and was self supporting. But to Jamie, it became suddenly bad that Beth was working for her dad.
He turned it against her.
It was their first fight that I’d classify as legitimately bad. The families had left, and they were sitting on the couch as he accused Beth of working for her father because she would be unable to get a job from anyone else. It didn’t matter what Beth said. Jamie wouldn't drop the criticism or listen to any of her arguments. He just kept verbally attacking her, until it looked like he was tearing her down solely for the purpose of tearing her down.
From the moment of that fight onward, Jamie changed dramatically towards Beth. All of their interactions, unless they were lovey-dovey (because he was/is a Jekyll-Hyde), would turn ugly with excessive criticism. He was Mean. He was Nice. He was Hot. He was cold.
It was exhausting.
Textbook verbal abuse.
I was expecting the experts to call him out. I kept waiting for it. But they never did! Instead they normalized the toxic dynamic by calling it a roller coaster relationship. They made it seem like some couples are like this and it’s no big deal.
Yeah, sure, lots of couples tear each other down, but that’s because those couples are in verbally abusive relationships.
It’s not healthy.
It’s extremely damaging to the person getting verbally criticized every time they turn around. And the fact these experts let so much of Jamie’s behavior slide, and that they never called him out on the verbal abuse was really upsetting and problematic.
4. Mocking
As a child and teenager, I was forgetful. I would drive one of the family cars into school, park in the lot, and then forget to turn the lights off. After a long day of school and studying, I'd walk to the car and stick my keys in the ignition, but the engine wouldn’t start. The car would start because I had left the lights on all day long.
I’d then run back into school, find a payphone, and call my parents. My dad would pick up, and because I was scared and distraught I’d cry, “Dad, the car won't start. The car won’t start!”
He always told me to find someone that could give me a jump right before hanging up. And I would, distraught, go from person to person asking if anyone had jumper cables and could help me jump start the car.
I was lucky.
Somebody always stepped up to help me, because for the most part, people are decent. But what always happened every time this story played out was that I would come home feeling relieved because the crisis was over. Then we would all sit around at dinner, and my dad, in front of everyone, would start fake crying: “Dad, the car won’t start. The car won’t start!”
“Stop that,” I’d say. “It’s embarrassing.”
“That’s exactly what you look like,” he retorted. “Pathetic. Embarrassing.”
This is a really clear and obvious example of mocking as verbal abuse. But often, someone using mockery to abuse you will say something biting or condescending, or something more subtle.
I was expecting the experts to call him out. I kept waiting for it. But they never did! Instead they normalized the toxic dynamic by calling it a roller coaster relationship. They made it seem like some couples are like this and it’s no big deal.
Yeah, sure, lots of couples tear each other down, but that’s because those couples are in verbally abusive relationships.
It’s not healthy.
It’s extremely damaging to the person getting verbally criticized every time they turn around. And the fact these experts let so much of Jamie’s behavior slide, and that they never called him out on the verbal abuse was really upsetting and problematic.
4. Mocking
As a child and teenager, I was forgetful. I would drive one of the family cars into school, park in the lot, and then forget to turn the lights off. After a long day of school and studying, I'd walk to the car and stick my keys in the ignition, but the engine wouldn’t start. The car would start because I had left the lights on all day long.
I’d then run back into school, find a payphone, and call my parents. My dad would pick up, and because I was scared and distraught I’d cry, “Dad, the car won't start. The car won’t start!”
He always told me to find someone that could give me a jump right before hanging up. And I would, distraught, go from person to person asking if anyone had jumper cables and could help me jump start the car.
I was lucky.
Somebody always stepped up to help me, because for the most part, people are decent. But what always happened every time this story played out was that I would come home feeling relieved because the crisis was over. Then we would all sit around at dinner, and my dad, in front of everyone, would start fake crying: “Dad, the car won’t start. The car won’t start!”
“Stop that,” I’d say. “It’s embarrassing.”
“That’s exactly what you look like,” he retorted. “Pathetic. Embarrassing.”
This is a really clear and obvious example of mocking as verbal abuse. But often, someone using mockery to abuse you will say something biting or condescending, or something more subtle.
If you call the person out, they’ll be like, “I was joking. Can't you take a joke? Grow a sense of humor why don’t you?”
It may not be as obvious, but it’s still verbal abuse.
5. Censoring
This was a favorite of my now ex-husband. He set rules of what I wasn't allowed to talk about. For instance, he would say, “Angela, I don't like it when you talk about politics.”
He would sit next to me in church. I would raise my hand in Sunday school to say something, and he would turn all red like he was embarrassed.
I would speak my comment, and he would be like, “I wish you wouldn't do that. I wish you wouldn't raise your hand. I wish you wouldn't share your opinion in church, cause that's really embarrassing for me, Angela.”
This was difficult, because I felt I wasn't allowed to have a voice or an opinion or thought about anything. Particularly, not anything that wasn’t in agreement with his own thoughts and opinions. What makes this verbal abuse is that one person is seizing power over someone else’s ability to speak. It is wrong.
It may not be as obvious, but it’s still verbal abuse.
5. Censoring
This was a favorite of my now ex-husband. He set rules of what I wasn't allowed to talk about. For instance, he would say, “Angela, I don't like it when you talk about politics.”
He would sit next to me in church. I would raise my hand in Sunday school to say something, and he would turn all red like he was embarrassed.
I would speak my comment, and he would be like, “I wish you wouldn't do that. I wish you wouldn't raise your hand. I wish you wouldn't share your opinion in church, cause that's really embarrassing for me, Angela.”
This was difficult, because I felt I wasn't allowed to have a voice or an opinion or thought about anything. Particularly, not anything that wasn’t in agreement with his own thoughts and opinions. What makes this verbal abuse is that one person is seizing power over someone else’s ability to speak. It is wrong.
I felt demoralized and diminished by this.
6. Blaming
Everything was my fault in that marriage.
6. Blaming
Everything was my fault in that marriage.
My husband, now ex, lost his security clearance at one point and for some reason that was my fault. Beats me how that could possibly be my fault. Nobody interviewed me about his clearance. I didn't malign his character or do anything to reflect poorly on him. There was literally no way I could have been to blame for the fact he lost his clearance.
But he still found a way to blame me.
Oh that’s right. I asked him to see a therapist at one point in our marriage. He went to a few sessions and then stopped. Somehow he twisted this around to claim if I hadn’t made him go to therapy, he’d still have a clearance. When I found out the real reasons things went poorly for him, this was an obvious lie. But since it made him feel better while making me feel inferior and unworthy, it gave him a sense of being in control. Of being on top.
Blaming is one way verbally abusive partners keep you feeling bad about yourself.
7. Name Calling
For this one, I’m going back to Jamie and Beth’s relationship on Married at First Sight. It was a favorite tactic of Jamie’s. He called her materialist, dramatic, a princess, spoiled, a bitch.
It was full blown character assassination.
At one point he even called her the c-word. Hurtful as that was, I’m not sure the power of that one word is anymore destructive than a bunch of less severe ones piled one on top of the other. The cumulative effect is harmful. My now ex-husband used to call me “woman.” Like, “Woman, make me a sandwich.” Although, he didn’t use that phrase specifically.
The name calling on season 9 of this show was so damaging and effective for Jamie, he used it as a way to get Beth to put out sexually. Anyone who’s had a UTI knows they can be extremely painful. And on the show, Beth developed a UTI precisely because Jamie had such a high sex drive and wouldn’t give her any space in this department.
But even after Beth developed the UTI, Jamie still wanted to have constant sex with her. To get his way he would pester her, meanwhile calling her a tease. It didn’t matter to him that Beth was in pain and was wanting time to heal. Her being in pain didn’t slow him down.
There is so much wrong with this. It’s beyond inconsiderate. It shows a callous disregard for your partner’s needs and feelings. It shows Jamie had to be dominant in the relationship. The name calling was abusive. The sexual demands were textbook coercion. And I thought for sure when the experts came over, he would have all of these things pointed out to him.
But Jamie would be really sweet to the experts when they came over. He would act extremely nice and reasonable where Beth would be prickly around them, acting hurt. She wasn’t always kind to the experts, which can be explained by her personality being basically the same regardless of who she was speaking with. If she was upset. She would be prickly toward everyone, experts included. Jamie was the one who could turn the charm on and off at will.
I found him to be very manipulative.
Unfortunately, there was a lot of focus on improving Beth and not a single expert telling Jamie to stop verbally beating his wife into the ground. They didn’t seem to notice, or maybe they just didn't care.
8. Ordering Around
When we order someone around we make demands. “No” is not an option. You can tell when a relationship isn’t healthy if you politely say the word no and the person flips out on you, or starts screaming, or they fly into a rage. There’s also guilt trips.
But he still found a way to blame me.
Oh that’s right. I asked him to see a therapist at one point in our marriage. He went to a few sessions and then stopped. Somehow he twisted this around to claim if I hadn’t made him go to therapy, he’d still have a clearance. When I found out the real reasons things went poorly for him, this was an obvious lie. But since it made him feel better while making me feel inferior and unworthy, it gave him a sense of being in control. Of being on top.
Blaming is one way verbally abusive partners keep you feeling bad about yourself.
7. Name Calling
For this one, I’m going back to Jamie and Beth’s relationship on Married at First Sight. It was a favorite tactic of Jamie’s. He called her materialist, dramatic, a princess, spoiled, a bitch.
It was full blown character assassination.
At one point he even called her the c-word. Hurtful as that was, I’m not sure the power of that one word is anymore destructive than a bunch of less severe ones piled one on top of the other. The cumulative effect is harmful. My now ex-husband used to call me “woman.” Like, “Woman, make me a sandwich.” Although, he didn’t use that phrase specifically.
The name calling on season 9 of this show was so damaging and effective for Jamie, he used it as a way to get Beth to put out sexually. Anyone who’s had a UTI knows they can be extremely painful. And on the show, Beth developed a UTI precisely because Jamie had such a high sex drive and wouldn’t give her any space in this department.
But even after Beth developed the UTI, Jamie still wanted to have constant sex with her. To get his way he would pester her, meanwhile calling her a tease. It didn’t matter to him that Beth was in pain and was wanting time to heal. Her being in pain didn’t slow him down.
There is so much wrong with this. It’s beyond inconsiderate. It shows a callous disregard for your partner’s needs and feelings. It shows Jamie had to be dominant in the relationship. The name calling was abusive. The sexual demands were textbook coercion. And I thought for sure when the experts came over, he would have all of these things pointed out to him.
But Jamie would be really sweet to the experts when they came over. He would act extremely nice and reasonable where Beth would be prickly around them, acting hurt. She wasn’t always kind to the experts, which can be explained by her personality being basically the same regardless of who she was speaking with. If she was upset. She would be prickly toward everyone, experts included. Jamie was the one who could turn the charm on and off at will.
I found him to be very manipulative.
Unfortunately, there was a lot of focus on improving Beth and not a single expert telling Jamie to stop verbally beating his wife into the ground. They didn’t seem to notice, or maybe they just didn't care.
8. Ordering Around
When we order someone around we make demands. “No” is not an option. You can tell when a relationship isn’t healthy if you politely say the word no and the person flips out on you, or starts screaming, or they fly into a rage. There’s also guilt trips.
Anything to send you the message that “no” is an unacceptable word. You should probably get out of any relationship you're in where this happens. When your partner can't accept hearing the word no, it is the biggest red flag there is. I'm not going to give an example because this one’s pretty self-evident.
9. Threatening
Let me tell you about the Mormon Bishop who threatened me.
He wasn't a bad guy.
I mean, most of my conversations with this bishop were positive, and I don't think he intended to be hurtful, but it doesn't change that what he did was verbal abuse.
When I was losing my faith in Mormonism, I told my husband. I also asked him not to tell the bishop. Of course, my husband refused to keep the secret and said the bishop needed to know anyway. So he went into the bishop’s office and straight out revealed his wife was losing her faith. He also cried.
The bishop felt really sorry for him.
So naturally when the bishop called me into his office next, the cards were stacked against me. In case you haven't gathered, there were a lot of issues with that marriage aside from the religious elements. It was not a healthy relationship. There were problems with him having to wear the pants to the point that he was willing to demean me in order to be dominant; but all my bishop saw was this full grown man crying and broken, all because his wife didn't believe in what he perceived as the one true church.
So I walk into the office of this bishop and sit down.
9. Threatening
Let me tell you about the Mormon Bishop who threatened me.
He wasn't a bad guy.
I mean, most of my conversations with this bishop were positive, and I don't think he intended to be hurtful, but it doesn't change that what he did was verbal abuse.
When I was losing my faith in Mormonism, I told my husband. I also asked him not to tell the bishop. Of course, my husband refused to keep the secret and said the bishop needed to know anyway. So he went into the bishop’s office and straight out revealed his wife was losing her faith. He also cried.
The bishop felt really sorry for him.
So naturally when the bishop called me into his office next, the cards were stacked against me. In case you haven't gathered, there were a lot of issues with that marriage aside from the religious elements. It was not a healthy relationship. There were problems with him having to wear the pants to the point that he was willing to demean me in order to be dominant; but all my bishop saw was this full grown man crying and broken, all because his wife didn't believe in what he perceived as the one true church.
So I walk into the office of this bishop and sit down.
Since the bishop was feeling sorry for my ex, he was not willing to hear me. I told him the marriage wasn't healthy and asked if there was someone he could refer us to. “Some counseling services?” I asked. “Someone that could help us get our marriage to a better place?”
He shook his head. Then promised me that if I would just read the Book of Mormon and start believing in the church again, all of the problems in my marriage would be solved, they would all just go away, because my doubt was where all of the problems came from.
He said we didn't need to see an expert or therapist. We didn't need to go to couples counseling. “Read your scriptures and believe. Pray.” And this is where the threat came in. Instead of dropping things there, he said that if I didn't get my testimony back--of the church, of Joseph Smith, and of the modern Apostles--that my children would grow up to resent me.
He had no right.
Granted, I'm sure he believed what he said, because that's what they teach you in the church. But that doesn’t make what he said okay. He can think what he wants, of course, but the fact that he would say that to me, that he would actually make that threat as a bishop and as a man who I respected at the time, was hurtful. It cut deep.
He shook his head. Then promised me that if I would just read the Book of Mormon and start believing in the church again, all of the problems in my marriage would be solved, they would all just go away, because my doubt was where all of the problems came from.
He said we didn't need to see an expert or therapist. We didn't need to go to couples counseling. “Read your scriptures and believe. Pray.” And this is where the threat came in. Instead of dropping things there, he said that if I didn't get my testimony back--of the church, of Joseph Smith, and of the modern Apostles--that my children would grow up to resent me.
He had no right.
Granted, I'm sure he believed what he said, because that's what they teach you in the church. But that doesn’t make what he said okay. He can think what he wants, of course, but the fact that he would say that to me, that he would actually make that threat as a bishop and as a man who I respected at the time, was hurtful. It cut deep.
And that brings us to the last verbal abuse tactic.
10. Playing The Martyr
I think this one deserves a lot of consideration. I've yet to meet a verbally abusive person or an emotionally abusive person who did not play either the martyr or the victim.
My husband, now ex, was a martyr because, in his own words, "I let you go back to work."
I wanted to go back to work after my children were born, but my husband wouldn’t allow it unless I did it only when he was at work, when the kids weren't around, and if it didn’t interfere with fixing meals, with getting the kids on the bus, with helping them with homework, with getting them off the bus, or with taking them to activities.
He offered no help.
He offered no help.
It was my idea. Thus, my responsibility to do everything myself. So when I finally did find a job (and I was lucky, because I found one working on Sundays while he and the kids were at church) he would talk about what a great, wonderful person he was for letting me work.
His behavior was strikingly the same when he "let me" go back to school.
He didn’t tell me I couldn’t do it.
Instead he said I had to get a full tuition scholarship, or it wasn’t going to happen. His first question was always, “How are you going to pay for it? Because I'm not paying for it.”
Again, I was lucky. I was able to get a scholarship to go back and get my master's degree. The financial constraints didn’t hold me back, but he came up with more conditions. “Sure, you can go back to school,” he said. “But only if you can find a babysitter and only if you make sure there's dinner on the table for me every night.”
I remember making crock-pot meals in the morning each day that I had school, because I knew that if he got home from work and I wasn't there, because I was at school studying and there wasn’t something warm ready for him to eat, he was going to be furious. So I was always careful to have the crock-pot meals made ahead of time.
And yet, to this day, he talks about what a wonderful husband he was for letting me go back to school. He talks about how supportive he was. What a great, amazing, supportive husband. Never mind that it’s the most messed-up version of support ever!
His form of support was, in fact, not support. But that’s not how he sees it. He has convinced himself that because he let his wife work and let his wife go back to school, that he is a martyr.
When I first asked to do those two things, he would turn the requests into arguments that were as unpleasant as possible. Then we would revisit the issues a couple days later. He would change his approach to, “Yes, you can do___. But only if you meet all these conditions.”
And from that day forward, he would say that I always had to get my way. Anytime I asked for anything, no matter how reasonable, he might grudgingly concede after several torturous discussions. But his compliance was proof that I was controlling and always had to get my way.
He was the martyr for putting up with his overly ambitious wife who couldn't just be happy staying home, raising the kids, and fixing meals. He was a martyr for putting up with a woman who had her own ideas about politics that he didn't agree with, this woman who had to have her own education that he didn't approve of, this woman who wanted to go back to work. The irony being that if I really was everything he wanted, if I stayed home and didn't spend money on my hair, if I put dinner on the table and did everything he claimed he wanted, he was still a martyr.
Because then he would go on about how he was paying for everything. He would never ever let me forget that he was paying for everything until I felt like an absolute leach.
He didn’t tell me I couldn’t do it.
Instead he said I had to get a full tuition scholarship, or it wasn’t going to happen. His first question was always, “How are you going to pay for it? Because I'm not paying for it.”
Again, I was lucky. I was able to get a scholarship to go back and get my master's degree. The financial constraints didn’t hold me back, but he came up with more conditions. “Sure, you can go back to school,” he said. “But only if you can find a babysitter and only if you make sure there's dinner on the table for me every night.”
I remember making crock-pot meals in the morning each day that I had school, because I knew that if he got home from work and I wasn't there, because I was at school studying and there wasn’t something warm ready for him to eat, he was going to be furious. So I was always careful to have the crock-pot meals made ahead of time.
And yet, to this day, he talks about what a wonderful husband he was for letting me go back to school. He talks about how supportive he was. What a great, amazing, supportive husband. Never mind that it’s the most messed-up version of support ever!
His form of support was, in fact, not support. But that’s not how he sees it. He has convinced himself that because he let his wife work and let his wife go back to school, that he is a martyr.
When I first asked to do those two things, he would turn the requests into arguments that were as unpleasant as possible. Then we would revisit the issues a couple days later. He would change his approach to, “Yes, you can do___. But only if you meet all these conditions.”
And from that day forward, he would say that I always had to get my way. Anytime I asked for anything, no matter how reasonable, he might grudgingly concede after several torturous discussions. But his compliance was proof that I was controlling and always had to get my way.
He was the martyr for putting up with his overly ambitious wife who couldn't just be happy staying home, raising the kids, and fixing meals. He was a martyr for putting up with a woman who had her own ideas about politics that he didn't agree with, this woman who had to have her own education that he didn't approve of, this woman who wanted to go back to work. The irony being that if I really was everything he wanted, if I stayed home and didn't spend money on my hair, if I put dinner on the table and did everything he claimed he wanted, he was still a martyr.
Because then he would go on about how he was paying for everything. He would never ever let me forget that he was paying for everything until I felt like an absolute leach.
This is verbal abuse, but I think it’s also emotional abuse. The threat example earlier overlapped with spiritual abuse.
It's important to recognize spiritual and emotional and verbal abuse often overlap, and while my husband never hit me, there were times when he would stand in my space and refuse to let me move. He would block me from walking past him, or he would stand behind me and then physically shove me forward to make me move faster.
It’s not the same as hitting your wife, but still...
It's important to recognize spiritual and emotional and verbal abuse often overlap, and while my husband never hit me, there were times when he would stand in my space and refuse to let me move. He would block me from walking past him, or he would stand behind me and then physically shove me forward to make me move faster.
It’s not the same as hitting your wife, but still...
I want you to think about it. Do you think that counts as abuse? And if so, what kind? I’m not sure. If you have a thought about it, send me a message or write me a comment.
I would like to hear your thoughts on this
I would like to hear your thoughts on this
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